I Refuse To Let You Go
by Cookies Need Love
Summary: A one shot of Castle's thoughts when Beckett was shot.


Just a little monologue of Castle's thoughts when Beckett was shot. Yeah, I know everyone's doing it, but hey, I can be cliche too! In fact, that's what I always am. Shocking, right?  
>Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Castle. If I did the show probably wouldn't be half as awesome as it is now, Kate never would've been shot, and she and Castle would've started a family by now.<br>•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He met her eyes as she glanced over at him, seeing the importance in what she was saying in her face. For a long moment she was looking just at him, communicating just with him, and he couldn't deny the jolt that went through him when she looked away. It felt vaguely like a premonition and he wanted her to look at him like that again, just one more time. Irritated at this sense, he glanced out into the cemetery, seeing a flash of silver. A vase, or perhaps a gift left for a lost loved one. But that feeling wouldn't go away, the feeling that she was going to be taken away. He continued to stare at the glimmering object, trying to distract himself. It seemed like centuries, but was only a moment before it hit him. Even as he moved towards her the gun shot echoed in his mind and he could only think one word, that word ripping from his throat as he tackled her. "Kate!"  
>He ignored the sounds of screams around him, focusing solely on the bleeding woman in his arms. "No, Kate," he murmured in denial. Surely this couldn't be real, this was just some nightmare, or a prank. She was just teasing him and soon she'd start laughing and telling him what an easy mark he was. But she was whimpering in his arms, eyes glazing over. "Shh. Kate, please." This couldn't be happening. She couldn't be leaving him. But that look on her face, slightly bewildered, as though she wasn't sure what was happening. She was always so sharp, outwitting even him. But now she seemed clueless and that was surely not a good sign. "Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please," he begged her. She couldn't leave him, he wouldn't let her go. She would be okay, of course she would. She was strong, stronger then anyone he knew, stronger then him. If it was him on the ground right now her mind wouldn't be such a jumbled mess. She'd be looking for the bastard who had done, just like he would do. But he couldn't do it alone. He needed her there to build theory with him, to surprise him, to tease him mercilessly. "Stay with me, okay?" He'd never give her an order. She wouldn't obey, anyway. But she had to stay alive, she had to. She couldn't leave him, not now. Especially not now, especially not after he'd realized...<br>"Kate... I love you. I love you, Kate." Please, please let her hear him. She had to know before... But that wasn't going to happen. Even if she couldn't hear now, he would get another chance. He would tell her again some day, in a setting where she wasn't dying in his arms. But he saw a small smile on her face. That meant she heard him, right? She knew. For a moment joy coursed though his body. He'd finally told her, he'd finally admitted to the one person who hadn't realized it long before he had. But that happiness was halted and his blood froze as the life drained from her eyes and she slumped back. Horror filled him and he stared at her uselessly. She was Detective Kate Beckett. A New York without her...no, he couldn't think like that. She would be okay. Somehow she would be okay. That thought filled his brain, coming out of his complete and utter faith in her. She always came through when she had to. She was always there when he needed her, and he needed her to be alive. To smile at him one more time. He needed to hear her laugh, hear the way she talked about her mother and see her tapping away at her computer. Even watching her doing paperwork as she called him creepy, he needed that. She had become his drug and without her he didn't know if he could survive. She would survive because that was how he would write it. 


End file.
